100 Acre Graveyard

I am in some sort of building with lots of people all milling around in suits carrying boxes and looking very miserable. I then realised that the boxes were actually children's coffins and they were carrying hundreds of dead children to their graves. This didn't bother me in the least, but what did was a family whose pet dog had died and they were burying him. I was actually barging the bereaved parents out the way to make room for them.

Then for some reason I was watching a horse race, only the horses were rather fat and comical like in a Disney cartoon. They were all racing around a track and jumping over a fence only one of them didn't quite make it. It got airborne, cleared the fence and then sort of forgot to put its legs down and landed in a heap, rolling over to squash the jockey. Everyone was naturally horrified and scared for him, but again, I didn't give a stuff about him and ran over to see how the horse was.

Then I was in a creepy, dusty, cobweb ridden cottage in a dark wood with a horribly ugly old man in a white lab coat. He was pouring over an ancient looking book whose writing was all grey and faded. It contained lots of calculations and scribblings and he was trying to solve a puzzle. You see the owner of 100 acre wood had left it to be preserved for the animals. Apparently the dead ones as people were burying them there. Only thing was, someone had marked out a perimeter for it, put up a fence and got it in the wrong place as the actual area covered was only 99 acres. The ugly old man had gotten his sums wrong and I was showing how to make sure 100 acre wood (cemetery) actually was 100 acres.

Then I was watching a YouTube clip of soldiers in Afghanistan. This clip was of US Marines attacking a hill that had been painted. They were running up a magnolia coloured rock slope. The awful thing was, the clip showed one of the Marines finding a small puppy on his way up there and when he got to the top, he kicked it about, picked it up and threw it off the cliff. It's presumed owner was mortified by this! He was a large chap who looked quite a lot like the Rock, although had a stupid 'stripe' goatee beard down his chin. He was protesting over what the marines had done to his 'fur' which was apparently what he called the puppy. This upset me greatly and I vowed to shoot the marine who had done this. Or possibly throw him of an emulsioned cliff should I happen to find one.

Then I was in a corridor at the place I used to work. I met with Vic Reeves (a British comedian) in the corridor who was apparently playing the part of a mad scientist and I had to go and make sure he was working correctly. We went in, with Vic ranting and frothing which scared all the scientists working in there. We began experiments but I've no idea what they were. For some reason though, there was a giant black spider sitting on my kitchen scales which were on the bench. I think the intent was to dissect it and I wasn't very happy about this and was plotting to help it make a break for freedom out the window.

Then I woke up.

Lunch anyone?

I am standing on a road with a bridge in front of me. It appears to cross a river. On the right hand side of the road, there is a thin footpath, with yellow lines painted down the side of the road.

Curiously, there is a desk squashed onto this thin path and a lady in smart office attire sits there working at a computer. There are filing trays to her left hand side, presumably because some brambles from the hedges next to the path are poking onto the right hand side of the desk.

As I approach, she turns towards me and smiling at me asks, 'What do you want me to order for lunch today?'

I am about to answer when to my left, from the other side of the bridge, a huge reptilian head appears, attached to a long snake-like neck. It appears to be smiling at us.

I recognize it immediately as being 'Nessie' or, if you are being more formal, the Loch Ness Monster.

It suddenly starts to speak and in a deep, rich, baritone voice says, 'I'd like, oooooh... half a tonne of red plankton and krill on a rice cake please,' popping a wink at the lady as it finishes.